my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
