I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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