tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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