i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
