I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
