I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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