As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
