I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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