Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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