i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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