I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
