Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
