great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize