No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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