Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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