Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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