Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
we should paint friendship bongs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
