I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
