I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
