she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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