you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
