I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The power of my boobs compel you
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
