i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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