My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
