Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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