If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
