is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
