just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
