i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
