If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
