yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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