let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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