you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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