i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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