paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
