you guys were way drunker than both of me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
