i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
