I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
