you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
