hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize