new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
