please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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