Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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