Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
