I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
