She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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