I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize