Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
