your room smells of hookers.
And success
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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