No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
