A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
