I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
