Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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