I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
