Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize