did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
