My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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