I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
