Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
