don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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