I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
