'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
