No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
