So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
