I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
