I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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