of course. lets lasso hookers.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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