I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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