I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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