Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
