At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
