i just wanna soil my oats bro
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
