Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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