I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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