Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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