How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
