No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize