you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
