Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My breasts were aching with rage.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
