Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
