i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
