Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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