I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
