get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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