wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
