you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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