There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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