I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
