Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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