don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
