i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
