Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
