I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
