these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize