actually, I'm a sock model
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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