no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
