The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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