apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
