hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
