she was so not down for the gang bang
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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